20/52 Love Songs: "Don't Take the Girl," by Tim McGraw

20/52 Love Songs: "Don't Take the Girl," by Tim McGraw

This song reminds me of how precious you are to me. I love to spend time with you, talk with you, laugh with you, watch you dance, share, plan, and grow with you. When the time comes for one of us to go, I will desperately miss your companionship. I am so grateful that that separation will only be for a short time. I love you with all my heart.

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17/52 Love Songs: "For Annabelle" by Band of Horses

17/52 Love Songs: "For Annabelle" by Band of Horses

So much will change over the course of your relationship with each other, and rightly so. Things change, and we need to grow and adapt. So much that brought you together also needs to stay the same: Courting, wooing, maintaining, enhancing, and building your friendship with each other. You started there. Go back to that. Keep doing that. Stay there.

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13/52 Love Songs: Gentle Adaptations: "Birches" by Bill Morrissey

13/52 Love Songs: Gentle Adaptations: "Birches" by Bill Morrissey

My brother, a deep and soulful man, shared the above song with me. He said, "Here’s a nice song for the winter nights ahead, for living life, and the gentle adaptations of spouses. Leah and I have listened to him since we started dating, and I vividly recall when we first heard Birches; we were sitting quietly by a fire, simply listening to the radio and sipping wine."

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12/52 Love Songs: Why Aretha's "Be a Do Right Man" Is Good Counsel

12/52 Love Songs: Why Aretha's "Be a Do Right Man" Is Good Counsel

In all my years of counseling couples I have never once had a woman enter my office exclaiming, "I'm leaving his sorry butt because I have had it up to HERE with his constant appreciation, understanding and recognition!" No. Not once. However, I have sadly heard the opposite many, many, many times. For years now I have taught the simple power of appreciation in it's various forms of noticing, recognizing, praising, encouraging, not taking one another for granted. And yet, for some reason such a simple thing can be hard for many men to do.

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10/52 Love Songs: Love Your Partner More—"In My Life" by The Beatles

10/52 Love Songs: Love Your Partner More—"In My Life" by The Beatles

Love Your Partner More. Don't wait to "feel" loving. Don't wonder if you "found" the best or not. Don't look for greener grass elsewhere. You chose your partner above all others. That is profound. Make it and keep it profound by loving your partner more than all else. Some days you may not feel the love. That's okay. Love her/him more by choosing to love them anyway. Behave in loving ways even whenyou don't feel loving. This is noble and wise. 

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9/52 Love Songs: Take Fierce Pride in the One You Love—"Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughan

9/52 Love Songs: Take Fierce Pride in the One You Love—"Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughan

Take fierce pride in the one you love. Brag about your baby. Take joy in him or her. Let your baby know Refuse to ever criticize her/him to others. Don't husband-bash with your girlfriends. Don't wife-bash with the guys. "You mess with her, you'll see a man get mean" is a great line. Have that kind ofprotectiveness not just with others but more importantly from your own internal criticisms of your baby.

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8/52 Love Songs: Make room for love to move in—"Hotel Yorba" by The White Stripes

8/52 Love Songs: Make room for love to move in—"Hotel Yorba" by The White Stripes

Make room for love to move in. Love needs space. Too often we keep our hearts full of so much junk, baggage, goofy beliefs, relationship myths, masks, fears. "I'm tired of acting tough" is about being ready to let that go and move into love where there is "vacancy" or space. When we're ready to stop "posing/fronting" we can look forward to the subtle joy of connecting with someone now and into the future where we are just relaxing on the front porch. To do so, though, we need to first clear space within ourselves for love to move fully in.

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7/52 Love Songs: Be a Real Man—"Whatta Man" by Salt 'N' Pepa (feat. En Vogue)

7/52 Love Songs: Be a Real Man—"Whatta Man" by Salt 'N' Pepa (feat. En Vogue)

Time to sing props for me this time! Go me! While I don't have a voice like Barry, a body like Arnold, nor the Denzel face, I do have a will, commitment and desire to treat you right. This isn't meant to be self-congratualtory (okay, yes it is, but that's beside the point...), it is meant to simply say you have a good man and you deserve a good man. I hold myself to a high husbandly standard for three reasons...

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    3/52 Love Songs: Simplicity Cuts Through Complexity—"A Love That Will Last" by Renee Olstead

    3/52 Love Songs: Simplicity Cuts Through Complexity—"A Love That Will Last" by Renee Olstead

    Simplicity cuts through complexity. "I don't want a complicated past... don't want drama... I just want a love that will last." Too many of the couples I work with have complicated their relationships. For example, they want a deep and meaningful friendship, yet they don't treat each other as friends.  The simple approach is to then begin acting in friendly ways even if you don't feel friendly. Be nice. Duh. So obvious yet it's missed because we add complexity: "I'd be nice if she wouldn't...". Cut through the crud and just be nice anyway.

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    2/52 Love Songs: Mend It, Don't End It—"All the Same" by Sick Puppies

    2/52 Love Songs: Mend It, Don't End It—"All the Same" by Sick Puppies

    Mend it, don't end it. Long-term marital studies find that 69% of couples who seriously considered divorce but stayed married report that 16 years later they are very happy that they stuck it out. Further research shows that couples that stop trying to change each other and learn to accept each other are the ones that change the most and become the most happy.

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