Happy Birthday to YOU! :-) The 7 Best Birthday Videos and TONS of Birthday Quotes & Jokes

20130324-183204.jpg Happy Birthday! These are some of my favorite birthday songs, vids and quotes. Some are silly, some are cool, some are profound. All of them = I'm glad you were born. Enjoy your birthday today and remember: Be as AWESOME as you are!

I'll start the quotes with this one:

"Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one."

Now enjoy the following fun...

7 Birthday Videos/Songs | LOTS of Birthday Quotes & Jokes Age-Specific Birthday Quotes & Jokes

 

[divider] Birthday Songs for YOU!

While I hope you are having a very happy birthday, I know as do The Smiths, that not every birthday is a happy one. Either way, enjoy this tune...

Now this one is just dark... and sick... and funny. I hope your birthday is much better than this!

Bono and The Edge share this very personal birthday wish to Nelson Mandela. I dedicate this one to you! Now we're getting much more positive and encouraging than the first two vids...

A little Jimmy Hendrix wishing you a happy birthday... Now we're talking!

I knew you were coming so The Three Stooges and I baked you a cake! Yum!

Good ol' Simpsons—with all their ups and downs they pull together like a good family should. Here's Bart connecting with his younger sister, Lisa.

Let's "get jiggy with it" old school. Thanks Charlie Chaplin.

AND this song by The Arrogant Worms (who get the WIN! simply for their choice of band name!)

The Happy Happy Birthday Song by The Arrogant Worms on Grooveshark

[divider] Birthday Quotes for YOU!

From our birthday, until we die, Is but the winking of an eye. —William Butler Yeats

Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold, you may have escaped, not from one master but from many. —Plato

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. —Pope John XXIII (or C.E.M. Joad?)

May you live all the days of your life. —Jonathan Swift

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. —Tom Stoppard

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. —John P. Grier

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. —Ogden Nash

No wise man ever wished to be younger. —Jonathan Swift

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words. —Titus Maccius Plautus

Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own. —J. P. Sears

Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. —Robert Browning

One today is worth two tomorrows. —Benjamin Franklin

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. —Robert Frost

Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. —Jean Paul Richter

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. —Lucille Ball

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday'. —Steven Wright

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. —Oprah Winfrey

Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. —Menachem Mendel Schneerson

Age is a matter of feeling, not of years. —George William Curtis

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet. —Robert Orben

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. —Jennifer Yane

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much. —Malcolm Cowley

Age is a number and mine is unlisted. —Unknown

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. —Ubie Blake

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed. —Anthony Powell

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. —Sir Norman Wisdom

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. —Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down. —Leo Rosenberg

It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen. —Brigitte Bardot

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. —Charles Schultz

They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. —Unknown

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes. —Euripides

Of late I appearTo have reached that stage When people who look oldWho are only my age. —Richard Armour

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it. —Golda Meir

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. —George Santayana

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. —Jerry M. Wright

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. —H. V. Prochnow

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. —Chili Davis

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them. —Anna Magnani

You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them. —Arnold Palmer

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? —Bobby Kelton

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do. —Phyllis Diller

The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines. —Plato

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang "Happy Birthday." —Stephen Wright

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. —Bernard M. Baruch

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. —Henry L. Mencken

If you survive long enough, you're revered—rather like an old building. —Katherine Hepburn

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. —Mark Twain (also attr. to Jack Benny as "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.")

A Story from Soupy Sales:

It's a hot day—there's a traveling salesman passing through a small town in Texas when he sees a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a house. So he stops and says to the little old man, "You look as if you don't have a care in the world! What's your formula for a long and happy life?"

And the little old man says, "Well, I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night; I don't get to bed until four in the morning."

And the guy says, "Wow, that's just great. How old are you?"

And the little man says, "Twenty-two."

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. —George Burns

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. —Billie Burke

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. —Fred Astaire

It is better to wear out than to rust out. —Bishop Richard Cumberland

Getting old ain't for sissies. —Betty Davis

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. —Bob Hope

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake. —Unknown

Youth is a disease from which we all recover. —Dorothy Fulheim

The first hundred years are the hardest. —Wilson Mizner

I intend to live forever — so far, so good! —Stephen Wright

Don't worry about temptation — as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. —Unknown

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. —Robert Orben

The secret to eternal youth is arrested development. —Alice Roosevelt Longworth

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. —John Glenn

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. —Reverend Larry Lorenzoni

Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it. —Chinese proverb

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. —Unkown

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said . ‘Just give me something with diamonds.’ That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

Middle Age

The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything. —Oscar Wilde

Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles. —Don Marquis

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. —Don Marquis

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net. —Franklin Pierce Adams

Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms. —Georges Clemenceau

At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage. —John Andrew Holmes

Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you. —Bennett Cerf

We grow too soon old and too late smart. —Pennsylvania Dutch proverb

A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?”

She said, “I’d love to be ten again.”

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear.

She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then they were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?” One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually, honey, I meant dress size!”

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning. —Bob Hope

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it. —Doris Day

For his birthday I gave my son an iPhone. My daughter received an iPod for her’s, and for my birthday I was pleased to receive an iPad. Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon, and that’s when the fight started…

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing. —Jerry Seinfeld

 

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished a how much he had learned in seven years. —Mark Twain

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance;the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. —Mark Twain

You make me chuckle when you say that you are no longer young, that you have turned twenty-four. A man is or may be young to after sixty, and not old before eighty. —Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it is too late. —Pablo Picasso

It takes a long time to become young. —Pablo Picasso

Once I was looking through the kitchen window at dusk and I saw an old woman looking in. Suddenly the light changed and I realized that the old woman was myself. you see, it all happens on the outside; inside one doesn't change. —Molly Keane

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. —Robert Frost

A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it. —R. C. Ferguson

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. —Unknown

Of late I appearTo have reached that stageWhen people who look oldWho are only my age. —Richard Armour

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. —George Bernard Shaw

[divider]Specific Age-Related Birthday Quotes

[divider]16th Birthday

The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. —Raymond Duncan

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

[divider]18th Birthday

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

[divider]21st Birthday

Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15. —Unknown

When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself. —F. Scott Fitzgerald

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment. —Benjamin Franklin

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

Johnny had long heard the stories of an amazing 21st Birthday family tradition.

His father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Johnny‘s 21st birthday came around, he and his friend Jill took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Johnny stepped out of the boat, and nearly drowned!

Jill just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Johnny went to see his grandmother. “Grandma,” he said, ‘it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?”

Granny looked deeply into Johnny‘s troubled eyes and answered, “Because your father, your grandfather, and your great-grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July.

[divider]30th Birthday

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment. —Benjamin Franklin

After 30, a body has a mind of its own. —Bette Midler

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

Time and Tide wait for no man,but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. —Robert Frost

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like you parents. —Blair Sabol

[divider]35th Birthday

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. —Caryn Leschen

Thirty five is a very attractive age;London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years. —Oscar Wilde

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five. —Joel Hildebrand

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

[divider]40th Birthday

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; and at 40 the judgment. —Benjamin Franklin

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men. —Colleen McCullough

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age. —Victor Hugo

My own dear friend wrote this to me on my 44th birthday:

"Happy Birthday Jon. You're 44 now! Finally you are old enough to not have to worry about ever getting a first kiss again. You never have to get ready for a prom or get jitters before asking a girl out on a date. Long gone is the thrill of the first time you watched the speedometer pass 100mph in your parent's station wagon. No more looking upon your fresh young bride in her beautiful white dress. No more worries about your wife dying in childbirth... or little ones to fall asleep in your arms. No more first days of kindergarten for the little girl who calls you "daddy." No more Halloween parades or the swishing sound that feety pajamas make as they run down the hall.

"FINALLY, you have reached the age where, as your house empties of everything youthful, you and your aging spouse can sit and enjoy your thoughts. Happy Birthday!" —Your Friend, Steve Hartline

[divider]50th Birthday

There's a silver lining to being a cancer survivor. People said to me, "Are you freaked out that you're turning 50?" Hell, no. I'm thrilled to be turning 50. —Fran Drescher

Happy 20th anniversary of your 30th Birthday. —Unknown

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty. —Coco Chanel

At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves. —George Orwell

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. —Muhammad Ali

Looking fifty is great—if you're sixty. —Joan Rivers

From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash. —Sophie Tucker

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. —T. S. Eliot

Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age. —Victor Hugo

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. —T. S. Eliot

[divider] 60th Birthday

A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years in eating. —Arnold Bennett

Looking fifty is great—if you're sixty. —Joan Rivers

Some people reach the age of sixty before others. —Lord Hood

What, start at this! when sixty years have spread Their grey experience o'er thy hoary head? Is this the all observing age could gain? Or hast thou known the world so long in vain? —John Dryden

A few months before his sixtieth birthday, George began planning his party. He called up his 30-year-old daughter for some help.

“Why don’t you invite all your old high school buddies?” she asked. “That could be a lot of fun.”

“I’d like to bring all my high school buddies to the party,” said George, “but I don’t want to get arrested.”

His daughter laughed. “Why would you get arrested for bringing your high school buddies to your birthday party?”

“Don’t you know?” asked George. “Grave robbing is a crime.”

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. —T. S. Eliot

[divider]70th Birthday

The first forty years of our life give the text, the next thirty furnish the commentary upon it, which enables us rightly to understand the true meaning and connection of the text with its moral and its beauties. —Arthur Schopenhauer

On my seventieth birthday I felt as if I were standing on a mountain height, at whose foot the ocean of eternity was audibly rushing; while before me, life with its deserts and flower-gardens, its sunny days and its stormy days, spread out green, wild, and beautiful. —The Consolations of Age, translated from the German of Zschokke's autobiography

Life has got to be lived - that's all there is to it. At seventy, I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that "this, too, shall pass!" —Eleanor Roosevelt

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old. —Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

I'll never make the mistake of being 70 again. —Casey Stengel

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. —T. S. Eliot

[divider]80th Birthday

The advantage of being eighty years old is that one has many people to love. —Jean Renoir

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. —Mark Twain

Oh to be seventy again. —Georges Clemenceau, upon seeing a pretty girl on his eightieth birthday

[divider]100th Birthday

The first hundred years are the hardest. —Wilson Mizner

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine. —Frank Sinatra

It was Grandpa Jones’ 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.

He explained, “I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I’ve been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years.”

“How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?” we asked.

“It’s simple” he said. “When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk.”

The old lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 110th birthday. "What do you think is the reason for your long life?" they asked her. "Oh," she replied, "I suppose it's because I was born such a long time ago."