7 Red Lines: The Importance of Having a Realistic Approach to Change

Great vid! Anyone else relate to this in their jobs? I have experienced this many times...

People come wanting a solution to a train wreck of a marriage: Save our marriage and transform it into a truly GREAT relationship. "Certainly. That's what I'm here for and I love to help people do... Let's get cracking...". And then they proceed to tell me how it should be constructed based on myths, what they heard, opinions and preferences that are contrary to how healthy relationships actually function; in what ridiculously short time frame it should occur; with minimal to no actual study, practice and effort on their part because  "really it shouldn't be this hard" nor "take this long." And then if they don't accomplish their goals in those parameters they quit therapy saying, "Well, we tried. Counseling just doesn't work." And they stay discouraged and stuck. 

On the other hand, and fortunately, I have many more clients who come in with a realistic approach to change, and are open to learning. Of course, these clients tend to make excellent progress, because as I often encourage my clients to hang in there with, "It's hard for the work not to work when you do the work."

So whatever your endeavor, set your objective high (mine is The GREAT Realtionship), just be willing to DO what is actually required to accomplish it. Wishing and hope and opinions are not strategies. Research, evidence, best practices, humility, hard work, patience, practice and perseverance are.