Screen shot 2014-01-15 at 3.55.54 PM
Screen shot 2014-01-15 at 3.55.54 PM

This is a professional training given to therapists that is also applicable to any couple where one or both partner's have a history of childhood trauma that may be impacting their relationship now. This workshop assumes a basic understanding of abuse and trauma dynamics. This workshop focuses primarily on useful and practical skills, tools, mindsets and strategies as opposed to discussions about theory. In this seminar you will learn:

  • How individuals and couples can reduce the impact of childhood traumas on their couple relationships by creating safety through:
  • Identity Clarification
  • The DEEP Listening Chain
  • The Trust Equation
  • The Intimacy Equation
  • Developing structure through The 'Our Way' Plan
  • Content subject to change depending on group dynamics, my personal whims ;-) and time constraints (ie., a 90 minute keynote or a full-day seminar)

Read what people say about this workshop...

Schedule this seminar for your event: 801.787.8014 or

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Webinar Package

(Video & PDF Workbook) This workshop will soon be available was an online webinar package which will include the full video from presentation along with the PDF workbook.

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Please fill out the Pre-Questionnaire which helps me craft a more tailored presentation to participant's feedback.

"Loved the actual interventions presented. Too often we sit through presentations and talk about the problem, but not what to DO about the problem. Thank you for sharing what actually works."

—Seminar Participant

"Lots of new information I haven’t heard before. Different perspective on couple’s therapy."

—Seminar Participant

"Clear explanations. Great examples. Good answers to questions asked. Lively personality. Engaging. Well-organized."

—Seminar Participant

"I only had four irregular hours of sleep last night  but this was so good I was attentive and interested!"

—Seminar Participant

RatingThe GoodOne Thing DifferentThe BadeZine?
10"Thought presenter did a good job explaining the subject. He was funny and knowledgable.""Deep listening""Thought it was great."Y
10"I really liked the way you used the equations.""I will use the Trust and Intimacy Equations with my clients.""Only 'bad' was that we were restricted to just two hours."Y

Evaluation Results

I don't filter my evaluation results I give them here as straight as I get them. I figure if you're making the important decision to select the right speaker for your group is it better to just get filtered positive only testimonials about a potential speaker or to know how people respond to the speaker including both those who loved it and didn't? So if someone thought I stunk you'll hear it hear first. Obviously, I don't try to make everyone happy. Part of my utility is to get people out of their comfort zones. If the majority love an approach I use in a seminar I'll continue those items that resonate with most. If the majority hate an approach I'll drop it. If one or two people don't like what the majority love, then I don't give much heed to those critiques, of course. However, I appreciate all feedback, which is one of the reasons my evaluation results are consistently high: My audiences teach me what they like and what works best for them and I listen.

My evaluation form contains the following items:

  • 1-10 Rating: "Please rate your overall experience of this presentation"

Horrid/Very Poor




Very Good/Excellent











  • The Good: "What was brilliant, superb, exhilarating, life-altering, or opened the heavens for you? In short, what did you like about the presentation?
  • One Thing: "What's one thing that you plan on using and/or implementing into your life from this presentation?" This tells me out of everything what was the one thing that had the most meaningful impact.
  • The Bad: "What stunk, turned your stomach, gave you a headache, made  you dizzy, or gave you gas? In short, what didn't you like that could be improved and/or what would you like to see covered that wasn't? (Go ahead, I can take it!)"
  • Requested eZine: This is actually also an evaluation measure: You'd think that someone who would give a lower rating didn't like the presentation. However, while it may not have been the favorite for that person, they got enough out of it that they would like to receive emails containing articles, tips, strategies and events on these topics from me.

Event: The Children's Justice Center & National Association of Social Workers local chapter Clinical Track Series Date: 1.15.13 Attendance: 80 Number of Evals Returned: 61 Average Rating for this Event: 9.2/10

[table] Rating,The Good,One Thing Different,The Bad,eZine?

10,"Thought presenter did a good job explaining the subject. He was funny and knowledgable.","Deep listening","Thought it was great.",Y 10,"I really liked the way you used the equations.","I will use the Trust and Intimacy Equations with my clients.","Only 'bad' was that we were restricted to just two hours.",Y 10,"Great handouts and lots of effort made to be helpful. Very interesting presentation and style. Open to comments and excellent tips for success with couples. Nice sense of humor.","Help clients re-write their beliefs about self. Teach communication differences between men and women.","Not a big deal: move through the slides at a more regular pace.",-- 10,"There were many insightful points that I thought were very helpful.","I liked the Truth vs. the Lie approach to the thinking errors.",--,-- 10,"10 Steps to Healing for Abuse Survivors.","Same :-)","I lost you during the communication skills/listening. We also shifted to couples work and away from the trauma aspect. [Jonathan's reply: I respectfully disagree as the couples work was tied in throughout as a key aspect of dealing with and responding to the childhood trauma. Also, the request from the survey was that we focus less on trauma theory, but instead to focus more on what to do about it in relationships.]",-- 10,--,--,--,Y 10,"I really liked the 'DEEP Listening Validation Chain' and the 'equations' involving trust and intimacy. It was all very enlightening, interesting and well-prepared.","The DEEP Listening Validation Chain","Nothing 'stunk' ;-)",Y 10,"Well-prepared. Great slides and handouts. Encouraged good audience participation.","Thanks!","There were a few harsh words used. It's a 'Happy Valley' crowd :-). [Jonathan's reply: To clarify I used 'damn' and 'hell' a few times I'm sure for emphasis. I respect that not everyone is comfortable with any swearing whatsoever, however, I personally don't consider those harsh words. I do respect that some do. Further, as clinicians, I hope we are prepared to hear much harsher words from our clients without censoring them because of where we live, our own values or because of our own discomfort.]",-- 10,"The idea that listening IS the fix/tool. Your answer to the question about understanding and using the anger at the family/abuser on the part of the partner was really helpful. I liked how applicable and skill/tool based this was as a clinician. I appreciated the survey beforehand as well because it made the presentation something to really look forward to.","Truth vs. Lie and creating dissonance between values and self-talk. And the channel/conserve anger. Or just all of it really. I loved these tools that are concrete skills for clients and myself.",--,Y 10,--,"Forgiving doesn't mean trust is restored.",--,Y 10,"Clear explanations. Great examples. Good answers to questions asked. Lively personality. Engaging. Well-organized.","Deep listening validation chain.","NA",-- 10,--,--,--,-- 10,"Amygdala discussion and understanding that helped a lot. The importance of, and how to, create safety via the relationship and relationship skills.","The Truth vs. The Lie exercise. Trust and Intimacy Equations.",--,Y 10,"Simple examples to understand information.","Listening skills.",--,Y 10,"The equations for trust and intimacy.","Using the equations.","Everything was great and I really enjoyed the presentation. I learned a lot.",Y 10,"Anger is like lightening. 10 steps to healing.","10 steps to healing","--,Y 10,"Your enthusiasm. Your willingness to answer questions on paper before the presentation.","Being more consistent with my changed behavior to increase trust.",--,-- 10,"I liked the trust and intimacy equations. And the sports analogy about coming to play the game with different equipment. I twas nice to hear you speak in ways men can relate to therapeutic ideas.","All that I mentioned above.","I would have enjoyed more stories—examples from your practice. The ones you shard were great. But I realized you didn't have much time and wanted to be sure and share your ideas.",-- 10,"Engaging. Used humor. Good metaphors. Clear and simple tools.","All of it. Especially the visual/equations.","Identity clarification slide with major points after the slide and on the truth vs the lie slide would be helpful. [Jonathan's reply: Thank you for that helpful feedback. Will do.]",Y 10,"Love the chart of The 'Our Way' Plan and the PROCESS is part of the reason to do it.","Loved the facts about the  physiological responses and the rapid rate they occur. Our clients can 'get' this.","I liked your confidence. Keep up the good work. You addressed questions masterfully.",Y 10,"Equations.","It was all very applicable and 'down and dirty' tools. :-)","There was no 'stinkiness' at all ;-)",Y 10,"Equations. Relationship mechanics. 'Guy-friendly therapy.' Structure — Relationship.","Equations and the 'Our Way' Plan.","It was just really good.",Y 10,"I love that you gave specific examples of tools to use/to share. Several times during your presentation I thought, 'I will apply this in my professional and family life.'","The listening model for myself and my family. I have three young adult children  in relationships. I hope to have the chance to share this with them.","Sorry, no feedback for this section--hate to disappoint, but it was great. I would like to have it last longer.",Y 10,"Very interesting and applicable to everyone.","Trust. It's not all about feelings.",--,-- 10,"It was very interesting.","Trust.",--,Y 10,"It was fresh. And more simple (and thus useful) than the stuff I've been trying to apply with my marital clients.","The 'Our Way' Plan. Your equations and 10 steps.",--,Y 10,"Good tools and applicable materials. Loved the handouts and models.","Tools and 'our' issues idea.","I really thought it was great. Especially fielding questions. :-)",Y 9,"I liked the practical applications that you provided that can really benefit our clients.","The 'Our Way' Plan.",--,Y 9,"I really enjoyed the skills and the behaviors explained.","How the amygdala works.",--,Y 9,"I like that the presenter had more and different knowledge about the topic rather than just 'feel good' information and the typical 'I've already heard this somewhere' that I often get at trainings.","I work with kids so it just helped me rethink the trauma topic again from a different angle.","Nothing really.",-- 9,"Theory was woven in with actual tools we can use. The listening/validation chain.","I like this question! The listening chain. I need to do this in my marriage, not just my husband needing to do it with me.",--,-- 9,"Liked the examples/explanations of the content!","The 'Our Way' Plan.","More focus on the intimacy of relationships. [Jonathan's reply: Fair point. I usually pace out the content more carefully. This was the last slide/point we were to cover in this presentation and I didn't allow the time for it. I will make sure I do so in the future.]",-- 9,"Clear, concise, incorporated audience discussion.","Help clients in disputing irrational beliefs.","Didn't get through all the material. [Jonathan's reply: True. See above comment. I covered everything but final slide. Point well-taken. Thank you.]",Y 9,"Insight into how  men think. Entertaining but also applicable to my work. I have a caseload of 50 men.","Intimacy equations.","I think using the 'unintentionally arrogant' strategy when discussing the Atonement may backfire. For example, 'I love God but he let this happen to me so he must not love me as much as I love him.' That's not necessarily arrogance. Just a thought. [Jonathan's reply: I totally agree. As with any strategy in therapy, it can only be used in the context of knowing the client, the therapeutic relationship, what will/won't with each client, etc. The example I gave was in regards to a specific client and in that context it was appropriate. With some clients it's appropriate and with others it might not be. So point well-taken and I concur that with any therapeutic strategy it has to be used in the context of sound judgment and knowing one's client.]",Y 9,"The models you shared.",--,--,-- 9,"Practical.",--,--,-- 9,"Precise info.",--,--,-- 9,"I thought it was a very good presentation and very helpful. Thanks!",--,"You are good at relating to the audience, so you don't need the sexual references to be funnier. Also use the word 'stupid' less (I'm referring to client's insight). [Jonathan's reply: I believe the sexual references mentioned were about when I mentioned 'penis' and 'vagina' to illustrate that just as there are physical differences on the outside of the body between men and women there are also physical differences in the inside of the body (neurologically). My intention was not to be funny, but to drive home a point in an unmistakable way. I don't believe it was done crudely, though it was spoken clearly. As for 'stupid' the references were not to client's insights but very specifically about stupid approaches that many people in general take in their relationships that they would never do in any other aspect of their lives (such as sports, construction, business).]",-- 9,"The anger process. How to listen.","The truth vs the lie. The definition of trust.","Can't think of nuthin'!",-- 9,"I liked the 2+2=4 model.","That model.",--,Y 9,"I love the handouts, especially the 10 steps to healing for adult survivors.","10 steps handout.","It was great!",Y 9,"Good, actual tools. Understanding and clarifying the process.","Helps with helping others.",--,-- 9,"I liked the models (eg., DEEP Listening, 'Our Way' Plan, Trust and Intimacy Equations) and his understanding and use of bio-mechanics, reactions and body language in his approach to treatment.","Building 'safety' in myself and in my marriage.","I only had four irregular hours of sleep last night  but this was so good I was attentive and interested!",Y 9,"I liked knowing from the way you present that you are also in the trenches working with these issues with clients--not only a presenter. Loved the attention to the amygdala and biomechanics and counter body cues to skillfully prevent emotional hijacking.","Validation, communication tools. Counter body cures to manage my emotions in parenting.",--,Y 9,"Approach to integrating neuroscience, CBT, and other methods. Your analogies.","DEEP listening validation chain. 'Our Way' Plan.","Would love to have you back to hear more depth at another time. You did great given the 2 hour time limit.",Y 9,"The communication chain was a great model. Intimacy = vulnerability + safety. <--I love this!","Many of the models and catch-phrases from the presentation will be helpful.","I can't think of anything. It was great!",Y 9,"Good knowledge of subject.","Understanding of clients.",Nothing,Y 9,"I liked the concrete tools and strategies for practical use. The additional information in the packet is great as well.",--,"The time flew by! Well done",Y 9,"The information and his energy--really keeps you engaged.","Truth vs. Lie. Trust and Intimacy Equations.",--,Y 9,"Great ideas. Well presented. TOOLS!","Truth vs. the Lie. Intimacy formula.","Not enough time. I would have loved to hear more.",-- 8,"Handout materials.","10 steps to healing and your notes on impact of child trauma and abuse  on relationships int he handout materials.",--,-- 8,"Lots of great ideas, examples to make it more interesting and applicable.","Trust/intimacy formulas","Nothing but could have used more time.",Y 8,"Entertaining, enjoyable speaker.","Equations for trust. Concrete tools."--,-- 8,"DEEP Listening Chain, The Truth vs. The Lie, the person who talks first is the speaker and the other is the listener clarifier, 'Our Way' Plan.","DEEP Listening Chain",--,Y 8,"Good, useable info.","Learning to think faster than I feel... just kidding.","Some rambling.",Y 8,"Truth vs. the Lie. Handouts were awesome in the packet. Very organized. The 'Our Way' Plan.","Deep Listening Chain.","Move on to the next part a bit faster. But that is partly my ADHD kicking in.",Y 8,"Handout materials. Interaction with others.","Deep listening.",--,-- 8,"I like the engagement.",--,"Less PowerPoint. [Jonathan's reply: Feedback typically on this point is the opposite: that people appreciate that I don't do 'death by PowerPoint' but instead that my slides are minimalist, direct, visually appealing and 'less is more.']",-- 8,"Lots of new information I haven't heard before. Different perspective on couple's therapy. Liked the piece on using 'man's language' with men in therapy.","Use men's language with men in therapy.","NA",-- 7,"Loved the actual interventions presented. Too often we sit through presentations and talk about the problem, but not what to DO about the problem. Thank you for sharing what actually works.","The Our Way Plan for sure and the Truth vs. the Lie.","More audience interaction somehow. Sitting for that long is hard :-)",-- 6,"Organized, clear.",--,--,--



Want more? Attend the full Relationship Mastery Series (read more here)


Click each link for full description, dates and tickets for that particular seminar

  1. "Attract the Best" Singles Seminar
  2. Communication: The Deep Listening Solution
  3. Building Strong Families with "A-triple C-T-S"
  4. Speaking Manglish and Womanese: Bridging the Gender Gap
  5. Parenting Tips from the Trenches: Love and Logic Plus
  6. Mastering Strong Emotions: Using Stress, Anxiety, Depression and Anger to Your Advantage
  7. Step-Family Success: Secrets to a Less Contentious, More Harmonious Step-Family
  8. The 10-Step "Our Way" Marriage Prep Plan: Prepare for Your Marriage, Not Just Your Wedding

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