"Good enough" is Both Good and Enough

"Good enough" is Both Good and Enough

Please, (PLEASE!) banish the comparison/"not good enough trap". For too many people "good enough" is settling because they didn't achieve perfection or excellence in X thing/endeavor/aspect of life. 

People (maybe even you) are constantly living in mortal fear that they have not reached the "standard" of how they "should" be, that they have, or will, "screw it all up" and ultimately fail... 

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Real-life sassy super hero saves two kids while munching Ritz Crackers.

Real-life sassy super hero saves two kids while munching Ritz Crackers.

I am walking behind a young lady who is wasted and can't walk without help by her date. They are very young. Obviously underage but out of high school they are headed to their room. This guy is getting all sorts of high fives from his friends on his way to the elevator and reminders to use protection while this date can't stand up straight...

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Why (weak) men call women "bitches"

Why (weak) men call women "bitches"

For years I've said, "Strong men call strong women strong. Weak men call strong women bitches."

Further, strong men are attracted to strong women, are happy for their successes, and her confidence only enhances his own. Strong men are strengthened by strong women. Thus, strong men want women to be strong because strong men like being strong men and strong women only help them be stronger. See how that works? 

So, why do weak men call women bitches?

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7 Red Lines: The Importance of Having a Realistic Approach to Change

7 Red Lines: The Importance of Having a Realistic Approach to Change

People come wanting a solution to a train wreck of a marriage: Save our marriage and transform it into a truly GREAT relationship. "Certainly. That's what I'm here for and I love to help people do... Let's get cracking...". And then they proceed to tell me how it should be constructed based on myths, what they heard, opinions and preferences that are contrary to how healthy relationships actually function; in what ridiculously short time frame it should occur; with minimal to no actual study, practice and effort on their part because  "really it shouldn't be this hard" nor "take this long." And then if they don't accomplish their goals in those parameters they quit therapy saying, "Well, we tried. Counseling just doesn't work." And they stay discouraged and stuck. 

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Cheater! Cheater! Booger eater! 15 cheaters who got their comeuppance.

Cheater! Cheater! Booger eater! 15 cheaters who got their comeuppance.

Don't cheat. Duh!

Make a vow, keep a vow. Duh!

However, for those who are considering an affair, and are stupid enough to listen to consequence-free sounding "advice" like one popular cheating website promotes, "Life is too short: Have an affair.", let me offer this counter-advice:

"Life is too short: Be a man/woman — Live with honor."

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Guest Blogger Kara Sherman on "Managing My Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)"

Guest Blogger Kara Sherman on "Managing My Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)"

Over the past month my Seasonal Affective Disorder has gone into overdrive with the onset of winter and less sunlight every day. I experience it in different degrees every year. Some years I don't experience it at all. This year it's obnoxious in it's intensity. My chronic neck pain has returned and my head has hurt for 5 days in a row (thank goodness for Exedrin and Dr Pepper) not to mention wanting to sleep All. The. Time. and becoming a hermit. But there are things I do to keep myself above and on top of the depression

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Free Thinking Comes From Disciplined Thinking... and Vice-Versa

Free Thinking Comes From Disciplined Thinking... and Vice-Versa

A friend posted this quote from Ray Bradbury, "You can't learn to write in college. It's a very bad place for writers because the teachers always think they know more than you do—and they don't. They have prejudices." She then asked, "True or false?" I replied as follows:

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Be Crazy in Love with Your Kid

Be Crazy in Love with Your Kid

Sadly, too many children lack this, and it affects them profoundly. Please tell your children often that you love them and give them specifics as to why. They hang on to it years later in ways you may never know. There as some key loving things that my mother said to me as a child and teenager that have shaped the person I am today.

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Two of My Peaceful Heroes: MLK, Jr. & Thich Naht Hanh Together

Two of My Peaceful Heroes: MLK, Jr. & Thich Naht Hanh Together

In 1967 Nobel Laureate Martin Luther King, Jr. nominated the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh (b.1926) for the Nobel Peace Prize. This photo shows laureate and nominee together and the text of Martin Luther King's nomination letter follows. These two men, along with Gandhi who greatly influenced MLK, Jr., have had  a tremendous impact on my thinking, my work and my life. As a therapist and social activist, I have been speaking out against abuse, domestic violence and bullying and speaking for increasing peace through creating GREAT relationships my entire career i

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Grieving Just Sucks. Be With It vs. Fix It

Grieving Just Sucks. Be With It vs. Fix It

when people ask me "What should I say?" to a friend or loved one grieving I assure them there's nothing you can say, and saying nothing is often WAY better than the lame attempts at comfort. Instead just be with them—don't talk much, just listen. Let them express what they need to say without "correcting" how they should feel or how they should look at the situation. 

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