In no particular order, The Top 10 Things LESS Important than Your Marriage are...
- Others (friends, neighbors and in-laws)
- Your precious ego, pride and the almighty "being right"
- Church/religious activities and service (not necessarily religion itself)
- TV, computer and video games
- Criticism, contempt and bad-mouthing your spouse to others
- Anger and other strong emotions
- Politics and opinions
- The children
When you got married you and your spouse were clear that ALL of these things were LESS important than your marriage. Your spouse was thus naturally attracted to you because he/she believed you loved him/her more than all of these things.
How is your spouse supposed to believe you love him/her when you let these things become MORE important than your spouse? Why would your spouse be attracted to you when you let these LESS important things become MORE important than him/her/your marriage?
Don't kid yourself: If any of these things have become more important to you than your marriage, then I can guarantee you your spouse has noticed—big time—and he/she is hurting because of it.
If any of these have become more important to you than your marriage, then it's time to re-align, because you've lost your integrity. Yes, integrity. Harsh statement? Or accurate? Keep it simple: You gave your WORD at one point via solemn vow, promise or covenant to love him/her above ALL else. When one's word does not match one's actions we call that person a hypocrite. "Yeah, but I wouldn't have if he didn't..." or "I would if she would but she's not so I won't...". Don't blame your hypocrisy on what you partner has/hasn't done. It was (and IS) your word. It's your integrity. When we lack intergrity we dis-integrate and things in our life fall apart. The good news is we can re-integrate and re-align and get back on track.
How? Put your words into loving action. Make your marriage action-based. What actions? That's a good question with many great answers. Check my Resource Area http://bardos.net/Resources/ for articles, ideas, tips and strategies or call me (801.787.8014) and let's dive right in and create some GREAT relating in your marriage and family. In so doing you will experience deeper love and profound peace.
Peace, by the way folks, in marriage is a choice and an action, not just a dream.