Marriage Mastery Tips 1-5

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 1 Quantify greatness. Did you know you can actually quantify greatness in relationships? Using Gottman's "Magic" Ratio of 5:1 pos:neg interactions you can CREATE a great relationship. Don't have 5:1 in your relationship? Don't complain, take action. Don't wait for your partner. You be the change!

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 2 Argue your partner's point FOR him/her sincerely and in the the way he/she would argue it him/herself. Then watch defensiveness melt away. Too often we're too busy defending our own points we forget to defend our partner's. As Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Be open to entertaining your partner's ideas fully even if you don't agree. You may learn something.

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 3 Refuse to take your partner for granted. Express sincere appreciation privately and publicly. For example, I wrote on Facebook, "I love Kara, and I know she loves me, but it still amazes me that she is so good to me."

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 4 When talking to your partner, be careful—literally: Be FULL of care. Being careful isn't about walking on eggshells, being FULL of care is saying you matter to me and how I treat you matters to me.

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 5 The relationship is your dojo. Enter with an open mind eager to learn and willing to be challenged. Your partner is the Sensei (Master) of him/her--no one knows your partner better than he/she does. Stop "thinking" you know him/her. You are the Student—study your partner with openness, respect, and reverance. Bow to this Sensei in humility and be schooled today. Your partner is not the enemy—stop fighting him/her. The enemy is what is negative between you both. The enemy is the interaction not the person. Let this Sensei teach you how to remove the barrier to your connection and thus destroy the enemy.

How have you transformed, or how are you transforming, your marriage? Share your ideas below. Thanks.

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