"Good enough" is Both Good and Enough

"Good enough" is Both Good and Enough

Please, (PLEASE!) banish the comparison/"not good enough trap". For too many people "good enough" is settling because they didn't achieve perfection or excellence in X thing/endeavor/aspect of life. 

People (maybe even you) are constantly living in mortal fear that they have not reached the "standard" of how they "should" be, that they have, or will, "screw it all up" and ultimately fail... 

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7 Red Lines: The Importance of Having a Realistic Approach to Change

7 Red Lines: The Importance of Having a Realistic Approach to Change

People come wanting a solution to a train wreck of a marriage: Save our marriage and transform it into a truly GREAT relationship. "Certainly. That's what I'm here for and I love to help people do... Let's get cracking...". And then they proceed to tell me how it should be constructed based on myths, what they heard, opinions and preferences that are contrary to how healthy relationships actually function; in what ridiculously short time frame it should occur; with minimal to no actual study, practice and effort on their part because  "really it shouldn't be this hard" nor "take this long." And then if they don't accomplish their goals in those parameters they quit therapy saying, "Well, we tried. Counseling just doesn't work." And they stay discouraged and stuck. 

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Guest Blogger: Katrina Wride VanWagenen on "Managing Stress by Mindfully Owning Your AWESOMENESS"

Guest Blogger: Katrina Wride VanWagenen on "Managing Stress by Mindfully Owning Your AWESOMENESS"

Sharing your experiences of trials, pain, acceptance, and endurance that shows me who you are. Keep on going, brighten your day and someone else's. Make a go to list of things that make you awesome, and things that bring a smile to your face when life seems a tad overwhelming, or hugely overwhelming.

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Top 5 Holiday Stress-Busters & The Holiday Stress-Busting Guide

"It's the most wonderful stressful time of the year!" 

Holidays and family togetherness can be wonderful and/or miserable. Either way, there's a LOT to do over the holidays and it can get pretty stressful, and tense, quite quickly.
In response, a few years ago I was asked by a few TV stations to come talk about how to reduce stress over the holidays. The Top 5 Holiday Stress-Busters (free download) is what I shared. That got me thinking about our own holiday stresses in our family and extended families as well as all the ways I've helped my clients deal with the stress of family togetherness over the holidays. So five stress-busters quickly turned into 100's of stress-busters for the holidays (see guide below).
While there are many things that contribute to holiday stress, in 2004, The American Psychological Association conducted a holiday stress survey and identified the top six stressors as follows:
  1. Money
  2. Gift-giving
  3. Lack of time
  4. Families
  5. Diet
  6. Children’s issues

This guide addresses each of these stressors in depth, as well as many others, with a focus on providing many more solutions than there are problems. That’s the way it should be.

This guide covers hundreds of ways to bust, cool, chill, deal and cope with all the various stresses of the holidays.

Here's what you'll get:

  • Hundreds and hundreds of practical, useful and effective stress-busting tips, strategies, mindsets, and techniques for dealing with every aspect of holiday stress.
  • Worksheets to help you put the concepts into action.
  • The 30-Day Stress Tracker and the 31-60-Day "Overlearning!" Stress-Tracker

Download your eBook copy now and start busting your holiday stress!

Just take a peek at the Table of Contents:

INTRODUCTION

  • THE HOLIDAYS ARE NOT THE SAME FOR EVERYONE
  • STRESS 101
  • SIGNS & SYMPTOMS OF STRESS
  • ASSESS YOUR STRESS

WELL-BEING: PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, & MENTAL STRESS-BUSTERS

  • PHYSICAL HEALTH STRESS-BUSTERS
  • SIMPLE PHYSICAL & MENTAL WORKOUTS WORK
  • RELAXATION & MINDFULNESS
  • STRESS-BUSTING ATTITUDES & MINDSETS
  • MOOD STRESS-BUSTERS
  • MENTAL ILLNESS STRESS BUSTERS
  • GET HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT

RELATIONSHIP & FAMILY STRESS-BUSTERS

  • RELATIONSHIP & FAMILY CONFLICT STRESS-BUSTERS
  • BUSTING STRESS WITH THE CHILDREN
  • CONNECTING WITH YOUR KIDS OVER THE HOLIDAYS
  • SEPARATION & DIVORCE STRESS-BUSTERS
  • STEP-FAMILY STRESS-BUSTERS
  • BEREAVEMENT & GRIEVING OVER THE HOLIDAYS
  • MOURNING THE LOSS OF THE PAST YEAR
  • LONELINESS & ISOLATION STRESS-BUSTERS
  • USING SOCIAL SUPPORTS AS STRESS-BUSTERS

TIME & MONEY STRESS-BUSTERS

  • FINANCIAL STRESS-BUSTERS
  • TIME PRESSURE STRESS-BUSTERS
  • GIFT-GIVING STRESS-BUSTERS
  • SHOPPING STRESS-BUSTERS
  • HOLIDAY MEAL STRESS-BUSTERS

ADDITIONAL STRESS-BUSTERS

  • COUNTER COMMERCIALISM
  • EXAMINE YOUR TRADITIONS
  • TRAVELING STRESS-BUSTERS
  • SOME ADDITIONAL STRESS BUSTERS
  • DO ONE THING DIFFERENT
  • HOLIDAY STRESS-BUSTING RESOURCE GUIDE
  • SHARE YOUR STRESS BUSTING TIPS!

 

Download your eBook copy now and start busting your holiday stress!

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A Circle Is a Nice Thing to Have

A Circle Is a Nice Thing to Have

I doodle and sketch to entertain myself and my children. It actually helps me pay attention. Doodling can do that for ADHD folks like me. Many things are "just because." Like how a circle is just a nice thing to have. Let me explain...

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Mindfulness

"Moments are the molecules that make up eternity." —Neal A. Maxwell I teach mindfulness practices and mindsets to my clients. I am grateful for the power these skills have had in my life for reducing stress and in some areas removing it completely, and for it's impact in increasing joy in family life and the enjoyment of life in general.

This video is a perfect demonstration of mindfulness in action. Mindfulness is a concept learned from Zen which if looked for you will find at the center of all spiritual traditions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l70e1TfN34w&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Stress-Busting Tip: Use the Biology of Touch

The biology of touch is simply this: hugging, hand holding, encouraging hand on arm or shoulder, or a simple neck or back rub decreases cortisol (the stress hormone), increases oxytocin (the "cuddle" hormone that increases bonding) which both result in lowered blood pressure.

The biology is there within us to manage stress. Let's use it, touch (human and yes, canine as in the picture above, too), frequently to help ourselves and others.

Thus, the important interplay of relationships, emotions and biology. Relationships are the key to so many aspects. It is in relationships that our emotions are challenged the most and thus we get the opportunity because of those challenges to develop emotion regulation and mastery skills. As we improve our ability to manage our emotions in our relationships we decrease the impact of stress on our bodies. Thus, the finding that people in long-term healthy marriages live on average seven years longer than their single or divorced counterparts. Less stress equals less wear and tear on our cells the emotional flood of cortisol and adrenaline isn't as frequent nor as long-lasting. Less wear and tear = longer life. Further the oxytocin and endorphins that healthy relating release further ease stress and buffer our emotions from additional stress = longer life.

— For more tips, strategies and resources for creating truly GREAT relationships with self and others visit http://JonathanSherman.net —

Stress-Busting Tip: Use the Biology of Touch

The biology of touch is simply this: hugging, hand holding, encouraging hand on arm or shoulder, or a simple neck or back rub decreases cortisol (the stress hormone), increases oxytocin (the "cuddle" hormone that increases bonding) which both result in lowered blood pressure.

The biology is there within us to manage stress. Let's use it, touch (human and yes, canine as in the picture above, too), frequently to help ourselves and others.

Thus, the important interplay of relationships, emotions and biology. Relationships are the key to so many aspects. It is in relationships that our emotions are challenged the most and thus we get the opportunity because of those challenges to develop emotion regulation and mastery skills. As we improve our ability to manage our emotions in our relationships we decrease the impact of stress on our bodies. Thus, the finding that people in long-term healthy marriages live on average seven years longer than their single or divorced counterparts. Less stress equals less wear and tear on our cells the emotional flood of cortisol and adrenaline isn't as frequent nor as long-lasting. Less wear and tear = longer life. Further the oxytocin and endorphins that healthy relating release further ease stress and buffer our emotions from additional stress = longer life.


— For more tips, strategies and resources for creating truly GREAT relationships with self and others visit http://JonathanSherman.net —

Liked it? Want more? Get the Great Relationships eBook.

Teaching Children Anger Management

Taught 11-year-old daughter learning to control her anger is as learnable as controlling a car via the speedometer, steering wheel, gas/brakes of emotion regulation. She felt bad before about not being able to control her anger and was crying, poor thing.

I'll post the copies of the worksheets she and I came up with together and sometime I'll describe the process in greater depth. For now, let me just share: She felt empowered! I love being able to help my children navigate the tricky waters of life.

★ SELF-MASTERY Tip 12: Fear Not ★

This is one of the single best responses to fear I have ever come across. Repeat it over and over and over: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." —Bene Gessert litany against fear, from Frank Herbert's Dune Want more? Visit The GREAT Relationships eZine: http://ping.fm/lOgVe

Liked it? Want more? Get the Great Relationships eBook.

Busting Holiday Stress


It's the most wonderful time of the year! And it can be the most stressful.

In 2004, The American Psychological Association conducted a holiday stress survey and identified the top six stressors as follows:

1. Money
2. Gift-giving
3. Lack of time
4. Families
5. Diet
6. Children’s issues

This guide addresses each of these stressors in depth, as well as many others, with a focus on providing many more solutions than there are problems. That’s the way it should be.

This guide covers hundreds of ways to bust, cool, chill, deal and cope with all the various stresses of the holidays.

Here's what you'll get:

  • Hundreds and hundreds of practical, useful and effective stress-busting tips, strategies, mindsets, and techniques for dealing with every aspect of holiday stress.
  • Worksheets to help you put the concepts into action.
  • The 30-Day Stress Tracker and the 31-60-Day "Overlearning!" Stress-Tracker

Pick yours up today at bardos.net/HolidayStressBusters

Just take a peek at the Table of Contents:

INTRODUCTION

  • THE HOLIDAYS ARE NOT THE SAME FOR EVERYONE
  • STRESS 101
  • SIGNS & SYMPTOMS OF STRESS
  • ASSESS YOUR STRESS

WELL-BEING: PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, & MENTAL STRESS-BUSTERS

  • PHYSICAL HEALTH STRESS-BUSTERS
  • SIMPLE PHYSICAL & MENTAL WORKOUTS WORK
  • RELAXATION & MINDFULNESS
  • STRESS-BUSTING ATTITUDES & MINDSETS
  • MOOD STRESS-BUSTERS
  • MENTAL ILLNESS STRESS BUSTERS
  • GET HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT

RELATIONSHIP & FAMILY STRESS-BUSTERS

  • RELATIONSHIP & FAMILY CONFLICT STRESS-BUSTERS
  • BUSTING STRESS WITH THE CHILDREN
  • CONNECTING WITH YOUR KIDS OVER THE HOLIDAYS
  • SEPARATION & DIVORCE STRESS-BUSTERS
  • STEP-FAMILY STRESS-BUSTERS
  • BEREAVEMENT & GRIEVING OVER THE HOLIDAYS
  • MOURNING THE LOSS OF THE PAST YEAR
  • LONELINESS & ISOLATION STRESS-BUSTERS
  • USING SOCIAL SUPPORTS AS STRESS-BUSTERS

TIME & MONEY STRESS-BUSTERS

  • FINANCIAL STRESS-BUSTERS
  • TIME PRESSURE STRESS-BUSTERS
  • GIFT-GIVING STRESS-BUSTERS
  • SHOPPING STRESS-BUSTERS
  • HOLIDAY MEAL STRESS-BUSTERS

ADDITIONAL STRESS-BUSTERS

  • COUNTER COMMERCIALISM
  • EXAMINE YOUR TRADITIONS
  • TRAVELING STRESS-BUSTERS
  • SOME ADDITIONAL STRESS BUSTERS
  • DO ONE THING DIFFERENT
  • HOLIDAY STRESS-BUSTING RESOURCE GUIDE
  • SHARE YOUR STRESS BUSTING TIPS!

Pick yours up today at bardos.net/HolidayStressBusters


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Liked it? Want more? Get the Great Relationships eBook.