"Because I'm the Man..."

"Because I'm the Man..."

Friends, I am still astounded (even though I should know better) when I hear some men use the "argument", "Because I'm the man" to get their way and to exert control over their partners. That this still continues in this day and age is really amazing... and pathetic. Yet it does still and it takes all my professional training to keep from... Well, I won't say. Fortunately, there are many men who have long ago rejected that worn-out oppressive model. 

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The Soul of Compassion: Understanding

The Soul of Compassion: Understanding

The key to a GREAT relationship is REALLY understanding, which is the soul of compassion. To know someone so fully that you can see past what you disagree with about them to what really makes them tick. To fully understand them as they are instead of as they "should" be opens up the door to truly loving someone.

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Marriage Mastery Tips 1-5

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 1 Quantify greatness. Did you know you can actually quantify greatness in relationships? Using Gottman's "Magic" Ratio of 5:1 pos:neg interactions you can CREATE a great relationship. Don't have 5:1 in your relationship? Don't complain, take action. Don't wait for your partner. You be the change!

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 2 Argue your partner's point FOR him/her sincerely and in the the way he/she would argue it him/herself. Then watch defensiveness melt away. Too often we're too busy defending our own points we forget to defend our partner's. As Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Be open to entertaining your partner's ideas fully even if you don't agree. You may learn something.

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 3 Refuse to take your partner for granted. Express sincere appreciation privately and publicly. For example, I wrote on Facebook, "I love Kara, and I know she loves me, but it still amazes me that she is so good to me."

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 4 When talking to your partner, be careful—literally: Be FULL of care. Being careful isn't about walking on eggshells, being FULL of care is saying you matter to me and how I treat you matters to me.

MARRIAGE MASTERY Tip 5 The relationship is your dojo. Enter with an open mind eager to learn and willing to be challenged. Your partner is the Sensei (Master) of him/her--no one knows your partner better than he/she does. Stop "thinking" you know him/her. You are the Student—study your partner with openness, respect, and reverance. Bow to this Sensei in humility and be schooled today. Your partner is not the enemy—stop fighting him/her. The enemy is what is negative between you both. The enemy is the interaction not the person. Let this Sensei teach you how to remove the barrier to your connection and thus destroy the enemy.

How have you transformed, or how are you transforming, your marriage? Share your ideas below. Thanks.

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For many more ideas, articles, tips and strategies visit http://JonathanSherman.net

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Daily Romance & Valentine's ALL Year

Daily Romance & Valentine's ALL Year

Whew! You got here before Valentine's Day... OR... Oops! You're getting this too late after Valentine's Day? Either way, great! Because, this post isn't for Valentine's Day, it's for taking care of your relationship with great care throughout the whole year, and not just on one day. For example, for our tenth anniversary, I collected and printed or wrote out 365 love quotes and poems and put them in the jars pictured above. This way she could read have random love note/Valentine every day that year. Further, they are a constant reminder year after year of the time and care I took that Valentine's Day to let her know for many days and many years how much she matters to me.

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Marriage in the Coliseum

I'm sure by now many of you have seen this clip from the show The Moment of Truth with Lauren Cleri.

Just another sad example of how careless and hapless people can be with marriage.

Oh, and I'm not just talking about the woman in this clip and I'm not just talking about this show. I'm talking about us. About our society. About you and me. How many watch this show, and shows like it, for sport? Big ratings and big money!

For sport we watch and we cheer for human suffering!

Oh, yes, we are SO much more civilized than the ancient Romans who for entertainment watched with glee as people were killed and tortured for sport in the Coliseum. Listen to the thoughtless crowd thirsting for blood as they cheer the destruction of this marriage and these people's lives. Yea! Hoorah! We truly are an "advanced" civilization. How proud I feel.

Not only are social supports for marriage NOT around, but now there are socially-sanctioned entertainments designed to do just the opposite. Pa-thet-ic.

Exercise:

Watch the clip again but this time pay attention to the audience. More importantly, pay attention to your own reactions.... What do your reactions say? How engrossed were you in the marital and societal train wreck? Did you cheer?

The kicker for me is the host who ends with the "moral" lesson: "I honestly believe that some truths are better left unsaid...that's why I host this abysmally and morally bankrupt show so I can both say one thing and mean another." Brother!

 

 http://youtu.be/dxxH0DyF5v8

So what say you? Comment below...

Peace, Jonathan

Looking for an alternative to the above?

The Marriage Academy

is all about helping people LEARN how to create truly great relationships. I hope to see you there!

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The Next "Survivor" Series: Survival Mom

My wife's co-worker and chum Penny sent this to her and Kara then sent it to me. Men, I hope you express LOADS of appreciation to your wife today!

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled andinconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character oncartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must tryto get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-year-old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the homewith no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 am and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are
better.

They must have a loving, age-appropriate reply to, 'You're not the boss of me'.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if ... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

After you get done laughing, send this to as manyfemales as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.

Husband Training 101

I'm giving a presentation called "Husband Training 101" in my old Michigan stompin' grounds next week for my step-mom's Women's Conference. Some people have recoiled against the choice of word "training" as they think it sounds demeaning somehow--like training a dog (what's demeaning about training a dog? Okay, I know, I get it--the problem is that I'm supposedly comparing husbands to dogs. Am I? No, I are one! Husband, not dog, that is...). My point is that good training in ANY aspect of life tends towards mucho better results (sports, work, school, and yes, marriage, family, parenting AND even husbands).

But, what do you think? Add a comment below.

My reasoning is simply based on the very definition of training (bolds and CAPS added by me...):

train•ing |ˈtrāni ng | noun

the ACTION of TEACHING a person or animal a particular SKILL or type of BEHAVIOR: in-service training for staff. • the ACTION of undertaking a COURSE of EXERCISE and diet (i.e., DISCIPLINE) in PREPARATION for a sporting EVENT (i.e., marriage or family life): you'll have to go into strict training.

Phrases: IN (or out of) TRAINING undergoing (or no longer undergoing) physical (or RELATIONSHIP) training for a sporting event. • physically (or RELATIONALLY) FIT (or unfit) as a RESULT of the AMOUNT of training one has UNDERTAKEN.


Yeah, heaven forbid we get trained in our roles as husbands to be well-prepared and skilled. Heaven forbid wives learn effective and respectful training methods to teach particular skills or preferred types of behaviors. Instead, let's continue to argue, fight, and bicker and/or continue to stonewall, shut down and ignore each other all of which is much less demeaning than "training."

Rant out.

Come see me! If you're in Kalamazoo, MI on March 8th or 9th come check out my FREE (yea!) presentations: "Stress and Anxiety: Mastering Strong Emotions"; "Husband Training 101"; and "Building Strong Families with 'ACCCTS'". Go to My Speaking Cal for more details. Do it!